Every once in a while The Non-Consumer Advocate posts a few random thoughts she has, not enough for a blog post, but just thoughts to put out there. This is the way I think constantly...I think my life is too crazy at times (I blame it on the toddler) for my thoughts to be anything more than scattershot. Heh. And I'm not even that busy (I don't go to church and I don't work outside the home so...); maybe I'm just a weirdo.
Anyway, if you'll indulge me...
-A guy called me Babe the other day. In the library parking lot, no less. It is still making me crack up. Who says babe anymore?
-A second baby in this family is "likelier" than not. I don't think J (or I? maybe?) has any idea how much work it is going to be, but...okay.
-We spent the weekend driving around looking at houses. Kind of exhausting, kind of fun. Our last move made me seriously consider divorce/murder so I'm trying to go low-key on this one. Did I ever tell you that one of the houses we looked at five years ago had a live chicken walking around the house? That was a special experience, but seriously, the houses we are looking at now are mansions compared to the ones we were looking at five years ago.
-I am not really optimistic about the recession ending (in real life--not just on paper) any time soon.
-This season of Dexter is blowing my mind. John Lithgow must win an Emmy for this.
-My mom may have found a part-time job.
-I'm reading a new funny book by A.J. Jacobs. If you haven't read The Year of Living Biblically, you really should. I'm starting to get more interested in biographies lately, too. Read a Charles Lindburgh one recently, and I want to get ones on George Washington and Albert Einstein. I just don't know enough about those guys.
-Alyssa's toys sometimes "go off" in the middle of the night and it scares the you-know-what out of me. Last night it was her duck saying, "Peekaboo," with its eery, soul-sucking voice. Brought to mind all those Chucky movie commercials I had to avoid as a kid. Scary.
-Every once in a while I say to myself, "Uh-oh. I have given birth to the most adorable child on the planet." I feel like her cuteness may cause all bunnies and kitties worldwide to shrivel up or implode. I have no idea how we are going to discipline her some day. She is too freaking cute.
Our new nephew/cousin
J's youngest sister had a baby two weeks ago: Keaton Miles. He is so, so adorable. If these pics aren't motivation to have another baby, I'm not sure what is. :)
His nose and chin remind me of Alyssa's. Everyone said she looked like her Aunt Michelle (Keaton's mom) when she was born, so it makes sense.
I need to get over to Boise so I can snuggle him.
His nose and chin remind me of Alyssa's. Everyone said she looked like her Aunt Michelle (Keaton's mom) when she was born, so it makes sense.I need to get over to Boise so I can snuggle him.
Kind of pretty, right?
And only about $450. :) I think I'll stick to these $30 Target beauties.
Ya can't help but love boots all fall and winter (and spring?) long.
In my heart
The subject of when to have another baby has been swirling around our household and in my head for months now. The plan has always been to have two or three kiddos around here, God willing. And I always said I liked the idea of having them somewhat close together. My brother and I were 18 months apart and that always seemed perfect. Well, Alyssa is getting close to 17 months, and I'm not eight months pregnant...or any months pregnant...so.... (As a side note, with the exception of one person, every parent I've asked--and I've asked a lot--has told me that the spacing of their own children was/is the ideal. Interesting, huh? I think these things just tend to work out.)
Part of the problem is getting my head and heart on straight about even having a second child. My feelings about the plan have changed.
I think about the opportunities for Alyssa if she was an only child (private school, lessons galore?), things that I still feel a little sad about missing as a kid (I would have been a cello virtuoso, you know). It is very likely that we wouldn't have to say no to trips and colleges and classes very often (of course, maybe that's a bad thing...these things build character, right? Right?).
I think about how life will change with a new baby. As much as I enjoyed Alyssa's babyhood, just staring at her tiny face sleeping next to mine, seeing her personality start to shine...I am remembering the searing pain of nursing (mostly subsided now, thank goodness), the sleepless nights (heck, I still am up at least once a night now), the exhaustion, the lack of solitude, not being able to leave the house without the baby because she nursed every two or three hours. I am remembering (ah, and I have the pregnant friends reminding me of every condition on Facebook as well!) the physical exhaustion, the constant discomfort, the mood swings, the insomnia, not to mention the terrifically painful experience of childbirth and then the long road to recovery. I'm still 10 lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight; how fat will I be at the end of the next pregnancy? When I was pregnant with Alyssa, I was uncomfortable but completely elated to finally be pregnant and have this long-desired baby growing inside me. Now I'm not sure how I'll feel. And I know that having a toddler to take care of while you are pregnant/caring for a newborn is no picnic in the park (for the toddler or for you!). Still, I know people do it all the time...I'll adjust...but...
I am scared of the unknown. I try not to make decisions out of fear, but there is also this part of me that thinks you have to be smart. If something ever happened to J, I think I could support myself and Alyssa, but Alyssa and another child and maybe another? It's something I don't want to think about, but too many of my friends have lost their spouses (through divorce or death) to not think about it.
I don't think of myself as a high-energy person who is cut out to have a lot of children and thrive doing it. Sometimes I think things are barely, just barely, balanced (I have a little alone time and lots of family time and lots of time with J), and why mess with a good thing?
And truthfully, I am so content with just her. I adore her. She is everything I ever wanted. There is nothing lacking in my heart. Nothing means more than being her mother and her being my little Schmoopie. I feel full. I don't need or want anything else.
But...
Talking with the "only children" (people without siblings, I mean) I know, they missed having another child in the family. In spite of the expanded opportunities Alyssa may have, a brother or sister will be a world of lessons in itself. I love my brother and am glad to have him in my life (and now his wife, as well) and I'm glad that when my parents are gone, we will still hopefully have each other. I love that Alyssa has uncles and aunts.
I know when we have another child, I'll love him or her and probably feel like "what was life even like before little So-and-So was here?" But for now, I'm just trying to wrap my head and my heart around the idea of having another baby...before Alyssa ends up a decade older than him or her.
Part of the problem is getting my head and heart on straight about even having a second child. My feelings about the plan have changed.
I think about the opportunities for Alyssa if she was an only child (private school, lessons galore?), things that I still feel a little sad about missing as a kid (I would have been a cello virtuoso, you know). It is very likely that we wouldn't have to say no to trips and colleges and classes very often (of course, maybe that's a bad thing...these things build character, right? Right?).
I think about how life will change with a new baby. As much as I enjoyed Alyssa's babyhood, just staring at her tiny face sleeping next to mine, seeing her personality start to shine...I am remembering the searing pain of nursing (mostly subsided now, thank goodness), the sleepless nights (heck, I still am up at least once a night now), the exhaustion, the lack of solitude, not being able to leave the house without the baby because she nursed every two or three hours. I am remembering (ah, and I have the pregnant friends reminding me of every condition on Facebook as well!) the physical exhaustion, the constant discomfort, the mood swings, the insomnia, not to mention the terrifically painful experience of childbirth and then the long road to recovery. I'm still 10 lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight; how fat will I be at the end of the next pregnancy? When I was pregnant with Alyssa, I was uncomfortable but completely elated to finally be pregnant and have this long-desired baby growing inside me. Now I'm not sure how I'll feel. And I know that having a toddler to take care of while you are pregnant/caring for a newborn is no picnic in the park (for the toddler or for you!). Still, I know people do it all the time...I'll adjust...but...
I am scared of the unknown. I try not to make decisions out of fear, but there is also this part of me that thinks you have to be smart. If something ever happened to J, I think I could support myself and Alyssa, but Alyssa and another child and maybe another? It's something I don't want to think about, but too many of my friends have lost their spouses (through divorce or death) to not think about it.
I don't think of myself as a high-energy person who is cut out to have a lot of children and thrive doing it. Sometimes I think things are barely, just barely, balanced (I have a little alone time and lots of family time and lots of time with J), and why mess with a good thing?
And truthfully, I am so content with just her. I adore her. She is everything I ever wanted. There is nothing lacking in my heart. Nothing means more than being her mother and her being my little Schmoopie. I feel full. I don't need or want anything else.
But...
Talking with the "only children" (people without siblings, I mean) I know, they missed having another child in the family. In spite of the expanded opportunities Alyssa may have, a brother or sister will be a world of lessons in itself. I love my brother and am glad to have him in my life (and now his wife, as well) and I'm glad that when my parents are gone, we will still hopefully have each other. I love that Alyssa has uncles and aunts.
I know when we have another child, I'll love him or her and probably feel like "what was life even like before little So-and-So was here?" But for now, I'm just trying to wrap my head and my heart around the idea of having another baby...before Alyssa ends up a decade older than him or her.
Highlights
Listening: Fireflies by Owl City. Totally addicted.
Eating: Split-pea soup, perfect for a windy and wet day like today.
Doing: Balancing my checkbook. I do this practically every day because I am a nerd like that. And laundry. The endless, but fairly satisfying task.
These last few weeks and months have been crazy--crazy good and just plain crazy.
A few highlights:
Alyssa, Mom and I went to visit J's mom, paternal grandmother, and maternal grandmother and step-grandfather in Oregon. The trip was really neat; I want A to know her grandparents as much as possible; that's something that I really missed growing up. (My grandparents were either too far away or estranged, although I have a good relationship with my mom's mom now. Love you, Grandma Sally!). It was sort of a last-minute road trip, and I couldn't have done it without my mom there to help me with Alyssa, especially when we were stuck on Interstate 5 for several hours when a caravan of motorcycles got in a huge accident a few miles ahead of us. There were fatalities. We saw multiple police cars passing us to get to them, and then we saw helicopters, and we knew it wasn't good.
J's grandparents and mom were completely enchanted with this little toddler, of course.
I really enjoyed Aola's recent post about her granddaughter, and I was thinking I'd describe to you what Alyssa is like now.
She is smart as a whip, and she learns new things every day. She is constantly watching and listening; when strangers try to talk to her, she stares at them. I get the "Oh, she looks like a thinker" comment every time we go out. She is quick to laugh with the people she loves, but doesn't giggle or flirt with strangers much. She is trying to imitate words a lot now, and she babbles and talks to us all the time. She's actually pretty good at getting her point across.
She has started throwing a few fits, but they are usually short-lived, and she isn't into screaming (yet). The fits seem more about hurt feelings (pouting) rather than trying to get her own way, really.
She loves Mickey Mouse toys, books and shows; I do let her watch television occasionally, especially if she's having a really rough day, and about 20 minutes in the morning while I'm getting ready for the day. She loves bath time and swimming and doesn't mind getting her face a little wet. She stretches out on her stomach in the bathtub and flops around like a fish. She doesn't eat as much as I would like, and thinks it's extremely funny to throw her food off the high chair, but we're getting the vitamins in her. She is a texture kid--doesn't like slimy or wet things--but I make her fruit smoothies and get the nutrients in that way. I have thought about weaning her for a while now, but things are going well in that department and I don't see any reason to try it right now.
I have been learning a lot about having patience and practicing peace as a mom. Sometimes I just have to take a DEEP BREATH; other times, I just need to stop trying to get things done and just focus on my daughter. What a gift she is. As my grandma reminded me just this morning, she's only this age for a short, short time. I will unload the dishwasher a thousand more times in my lifetime--but this precious moment with my dear one will only last a moment. I need to sing ABC's another time and play "Where's Alyssa's nose?" again.
In the last month, we also went to Disneyland and welcomed a new family member (our nephew/cousin, Keaton Miles), but I'll save that for later.
Eating: Split-pea soup, perfect for a windy and wet day like today.
Doing: Balancing my checkbook. I do this practically every day because I am a nerd like that. And laundry. The endless, but fairly satisfying task.
These last few weeks and months have been crazy--crazy good and just plain crazy.
A few highlights:
Alyssa, Mom and I went to visit J's mom, paternal grandmother, and maternal grandmother and step-grandfather in Oregon. The trip was really neat; I want A to know her grandparents as much as possible; that's something that I really missed growing up. (My grandparents were either too far away or estranged, although I have a good relationship with my mom's mom now. Love you, Grandma Sally!). It was sort of a last-minute road trip, and I couldn't have done it without my mom there to help me with Alyssa, especially when we were stuck on Interstate 5 for several hours when a caravan of motorcycles got in a huge accident a few miles ahead of us. There were fatalities. We saw multiple police cars passing us to get to them, and then we saw helicopters, and we knew it wasn't good.
J's grandparents and mom were completely enchanted with this little toddler, of course.
I really enjoyed Aola's recent post about her granddaughter, and I was thinking I'd describe to you what Alyssa is like now.
She is smart as a whip, and she learns new things every day. She is constantly watching and listening; when strangers try to talk to her, she stares at them. I get the "Oh, she looks like a thinker" comment every time we go out. She is quick to laugh with the people she loves, but doesn't giggle or flirt with strangers much. She is trying to imitate words a lot now, and she babbles and talks to us all the time. She's actually pretty good at getting her point across.
She has started throwing a few fits, but they are usually short-lived, and she isn't into screaming (yet). The fits seem more about hurt feelings (pouting) rather than trying to get her own way, really.
She loves Mickey Mouse toys, books and shows; I do let her watch television occasionally, especially if she's having a really rough day, and about 20 minutes in the morning while I'm getting ready for the day. She loves bath time and swimming and doesn't mind getting her face a little wet. She stretches out on her stomach in the bathtub and flops around like a fish. She doesn't eat as much as I would like, and thinks it's extremely funny to throw her food off the high chair, but we're getting the vitamins in her. She is a texture kid--doesn't like slimy or wet things--but I make her fruit smoothies and get the nutrients in that way. I have thought about weaning her for a while now, but things are going well in that department and I don't see any reason to try it right now.
I have been learning a lot about having patience and practicing peace as a mom. Sometimes I just have to take a DEEP BREATH; other times, I just need to stop trying to get things done and just focus on my daughter. What a gift she is. As my grandma reminded me just this morning, she's only this age for a short, short time. I will unload the dishwasher a thousand more times in my lifetime--but this precious moment with my dear one will only last a moment. I need to sing ABC's another time and play "Where's Alyssa's nose?" again.
In the last month, we also went to Disneyland and welcomed a new family member (our nephew/cousin, Keaton Miles), but I'll save that for later.
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